Fuck this shit.
It's never going to go away, is it?
Ever.
It always has to hover below the surface, ready to overflow at any moment.
And it does overflow. Oh, it does. At the most inconvenient times, at best.
I don't think it'll ever completely detach itself.
Go away.
12.31.2009
12.29.2009
Fuck me sideways.
I didn't know it was possible for you to be any more difficult than you already are.
Apparently that's where I'm wrong.
I also didn't know it was possible to become any more senile.
I'm wrong there, too.
It seems as the days go on, you just become more and more off your head. I don't understand it one bit. You make this household miserable. You are the cause of this dysfunctional situation.
You really need to get a reality check; your ways are completely beyond me.
Apparently that's where I'm wrong.
I also didn't know it was possible to become any more senile.
I'm wrong there, too.
It seems as the days go on, you just become more and more off your head. I don't understand it one bit. You make this household miserable. You are the cause of this dysfunctional situation.
You really need to get a reality check; your ways are completely beyond me.
12.23.2009
SWEET...( 'cept not).
I dislike people who contradict themselves. It is extremely irritating. I also do not like it when I am told I have been lost respect of, and that I do not deserve to live.
You are one of my really good friends; I really didn't expect that from you.
The perfect example of a contradictory sentence:
"I just think people who are like that are stupid and do not deserve to live...that's all. I like you. I have just lost respect for you."
WHAAATHEFUCK.
If you like me, you would not tell me I deserve to die. Thank you very much for that. I thought I could trust you. We had been getting closer lately, and then you go and say that.
"Well to me it just proves you're immature, but I still like you."
Oh, but what is this? You still like me? Then don't talk to me like that. Why did it not make a difference before? Why have you suddenly lost respect for me now? You can't just change what you think that quickly.
"But it's just who I am."
Oh shut up, that doesn't even mean anything. You are just talking out of your ass now. You have the worst logic I think I have ever come across in my life. It does not make any sense.
"Chill, it's my own view on things, please don't take this to heart."
You know what, I'm going to fucking take it to heart if you told me I don't deserve to live. What the fuck is that? Why did you even open your mouth in the first place then? As I say, your logic is beyond me. Yeah I still love you because you're my friend, and I'm never going to lose my respect for you because of something so stupid. And I won't randomly decide to change my opinion of you either. Just because I did something not particularly to your liking should not change what you think of me. You know me. I know you do. I just don't understand why you're doing this.
You are one of my really good friends; I really didn't expect that from you.
The perfect example of a contradictory sentence:
"I just think people who are like that are stupid and do not deserve to live...that's all. I like you. I have just lost respect for you."
WHAAATHEFUCK.
If you like me, you would not tell me I deserve to die. Thank you very much for that. I thought I could trust you. We had been getting closer lately, and then you go and say that.
"Well to me it just proves you're immature, but I still like you."
Oh, but what is this? You still like me? Then don't talk to me like that. Why did it not make a difference before? Why have you suddenly lost respect for me now? You can't just change what you think that quickly.
"But it's just who I am."
Oh shut up, that doesn't even mean anything. You are just talking out of your ass now. You have the worst logic I think I have ever come across in my life. It does not make any sense.
"Chill, it's my own view on things, please don't take this to heart."
You know what, I'm going to fucking take it to heart if you told me I don't deserve to live. What the fuck is that? Why did you even open your mouth in the first place then? As I say, your logic is beyond me. Yeah I still love you because you're my friend, and I'm never going to lose my respect for you because of something so stupid. And I won't randomly decide to change my opinion of you either. Just because I did something not particularly to your liking should not change what you think of me. You know me. I know you do. I just don't understand why you're doing this.
12.20.2009
*
A joke, you say? Approaching a subject when not seeking something is far from hilarious. The funny side, if existent, is irrelevant.
Friendship is granted when deserved? Does this imply I do not deserve your friendship? If this is the case, then it is not my choice when to acknowledge.
Keep in mind, I was the first to restart conversation, even if not face to face. Then I hear an apology is the ticket to friendship. The negativity was an impulse; something I chose instead of anguish.
I know you do not mean disrespect.
Neither do I.
In fact, I respect you.
Friendship is granted when deserved? Does this imply I do not deserve your friendship? If this is the case, then it is not my choice when to acknowledge.
Keep in mind, I was the first to restart conversation, even if not face to face. Then I hear an apology is the ticket to friendship. The negativity was an impulse; something I chose instead of anguish.
I know you do not mean disrespect.
Neither do I.
In fact, I respect you.
.
Willingness?
Acknowledgment is not necessarily defined by granted eye contact.
Approachability is key in receiving something you seek.
Acknowledgment is not necessarily defined by granted eye contact.
Approachability is key in receiving something you seek.
12.18.2009
Uhmm...?
Before I start, I know you're going to say something about me 'hiding behind a computer screen' to say this, but to be honest I would never remember everything in person, and we all know how dreadful I am at explaining things, so none of it would come out right.
A little birdie told me you are after an apology from me, and how if you just got that 'everything would be alright.' The thing is, I don't feel like I'm the one that should be apologizing here. I only behaved like the biggest bitch ever because temporarily I was angry. I was angry at you because being mad is so much easier than being sad. I chose not to feel the pain. I chose not to be hurt. Instead I turned it all into anger, and threw it at you. At the time, I didn't know any kind of pain like that in my life. I couldn't believe it was happening. No matter how many times you say you do, I don't think you understand quite how hurt I felt. I can assure you the behaviour I threw at you was nothing compared to what I felt inside.
I'm not asking you to apologize either. I wish we could just stop this, and be civilized toward one another. It doesn't make sense to me why this has to go on. It wasn't right of me to behave that way toward you, but like I said, it was so much easier than feeling the pain. It was just so hard for me to see you change so quickly before my eyes. I am no longer angry at you, I just don't see why I have to apologize to you.
Again, I'm sorry for doing this on the computer, but there is no fuckin' way I would have remembered all that, haha. Thank you.
A little birdie told me you are after an apology from me, and how if you just got that 'everything would be alright.' The thing is, I don't feel like I'm the one that should be apologizing here. I only behaved like the biggest bitch ever because temporarily I was angry. I was angry at you because being mad is so much easier than being sad. I chose not to feel the pain. I chose not to be hurt. Instead I turned it all into anger, and threw it at you. At the time, I didn't know any kind of pain like that in my life. I couldn't believe it was happening. No matter how many times you say you do, I don't think you understand quite how hurt I felt. I can assure you the behaviour I threw at you was nothing compared to what I felt inside.
I'm not asking you to apologize either. I wish we could just stop this, and be civilized toward one another. It doesn't make sense to me why this has to go on. It wasn't right of me to behave that way toward you, but like I said, it was so much easier than feeling the pain. It was just so hard for me to see you change so quickly before my eyes. I am no longer angry at you, I just don't see why I have to apologize to you.
Again, I'm sorry for doing this on the computer, but there is no fuckin' way I would have remembered all that, haha. Thank you.
12.17.2009
If you could fuck off, that would be greatly appreciated.
I HATE this. Why does so much shit have to happen all at once?
Homework can go suck itself. I have never been invaded in my own privacy more than this homework has in my life. I think I am going to shoot myself in the face. Then at least I won't have to deal with it all. Ah well, this is what they call Hell Week.
Fuck, you. I do not understand. I do not care to understand. But you know what? I'm not going to act like some stupid little girl. I am going to be the mature one, for once. Some shit is just a fuck up, and there's nothing that can be done about it. If I try to make things better, I will just screw it over even more, so some things are best left not dealt with. Makes life easier, in a sense.
Why are you doing this? Is it to try and make me jealous or something? Because that's not the way to get me to like you, this just makes me mad. I do not deserve to be treated in that way. Just because I gave you this leeway doesn't mean you should push the envelope like this. Yet I do not want to be a shit disturber, so it is best left not dealt with as well, because you will just get defensive. Well, at least I noticed an improvement today and yesterday. Maybe someone told you how I feel, even though I DEFINITELY told them not to tell anyone. Trust issues are always inconvenient.
As for you, I am about over the edge. I simply do not know what to do anymore. I have tried everything. Everyone has tried to help me with this situation multiple times, but nothing ever works. I do not respect your superiority over me. In fact, I do not respect you at all. You do not deserve to be superior over me. You are the epitome of an authoritarian. That is not the kind of person you want to be. It will destroy my future, I hope you realize. Fucking fascist. Go die. Kthx.
To sum it up, I am rather PO'd at this point in time. Oh well. Things will blow over soon. Or I'll just learn to deal with it, like everything else.
Homework can go suck itself. I have never been invaded in my own privacy more than this homework has in my life. I think I am going to shoot myself in the face. Then at least I won't have to deal with it all. Ah well, this is what they call Hell Week.
Fuck, you. I do not understand. I do not care to understand. But you know what? I'm not going to act like some stupid little girl. I am going to be the mature one, for once. Some shit is just a fuck up, and there's nothing that can be done about it. If I try to make things better, I will just screw it over even more, so some things are best left not dealt with. Makes life easier, in a sense.
Why are you doing this? Is it to try and make me jealous or something? Because that's not the way to get me to like you, this just makes me mad. I do not deserve to be treated in that way. Just because I gave you this leeway doesn't mean you should push the envelope like this. Yet I do not want to be a shit disturber, so it is best left not dealt with as well, because you will just get defensive. Well, at least I noticed an improvement today and yesterday. Maybe someone told you how I feel, even though I DEFINITELY told them not to tell anyone. Trust issues are always inconvenient.
As for you, I am about over the edge. I simply do not know what to do anymore. I have tried everything. Everyone has tried to help me with this situation multiple times, but nothing ever works. I do not respect your superiority over me. In fact, I do not respect you at all. You do not deserve to be superior over me. You are the epitome of an authoritarian. That is not the kind of person you want to be. It will destroy my future, I hope you realize. Fucking fascist. Go die. Kthx.
To sum it up, I am rather PO'd at this point in time. Oh well. Things will blow over soon. Or I'll just learn to deal with it, like everything else.
12.14.2009
Hurrrh Duuurhh...
You are the most nauseating person I think I have ever come across in my life. I do not know what to make of you. You get away with so much, it sickens me. I want to vomit. Why are you doing this? You're obviously jealous. That is the reason. You are trying to make me jealous. Well, it's not working. It just makes me want to throw up.
12.07.2009
Aaaahhhhhhjuqajugjz5bmmzphagnbxbe61bwytgfamvoiqj.
I have fuckn mono.
Well, I'm not entirely sure yet. The doctor thought it was strep throat so he gave me some antibiotics for it on Friday, and told me to come back if I wasn't feeling better by Monday. He also took a swab of my throat. So today is Monday (clearly) and I went back there just for him to tell me that no streptococcus bacteria grew on the culture, so it must be mono. FML. I'm going for a blood test tomorrow just to be sure. There is no cure for mono, so I have to wait two to four weeks for it to go away on its own. Weakness and fatigue can last for months after other symptoms have gone. FMLFMLFMLLLLLLL. I haven't even had a chance to go Christmas shopping yet. I damn well better be better by Christmas, or some family isn't going to be happy about their baby being nailed to a tree.
I mean...what?!
Well, I'm not entirely sure yet. The doctor thought it was strep throat so he gave me some antibiotics for it on Friday, and told me to come back if I wasn't feeling better by Monday. He also took a swab of my throat. So today is Monday (clearly) and I went back there just for him to tell me that no streptococcus bacteria grew on the culture, so it must be mono. FML. I'm going for a blood test tomorrow just to be sure. There is no cure for mono, so I have to wait two to four weeks for it to go away on its own. Weakness and fatigue can last for months after other symptoms have gone. FMLFMLFMLLLLLLL. I haven't even had a chance to go Christmas shopping yet. I damn well better be better by Christmas, or some family isn't going to be happy about their baby being nailed to a tree.
I mean...what?!
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